Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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