my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I will pee on everything he values.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
