idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
