I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
PANTIES FOUND
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