I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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