Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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