Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Betty ford says i'm here all night
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
