sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
