So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
