How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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