I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
