At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
