The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
