I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
