i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
