This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
