wakey wakey hands off snakey
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
