just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
