My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
