i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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