The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
