i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
