I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
