So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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