I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
