Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you guys were way drunker than both of me
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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