I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
