On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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