got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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