I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
