He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I forgot how hot balto sounded
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
