Barsexuality is the new black.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
