If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
