when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Randomize
