Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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