just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
