Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
BRING THE BAGELS
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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