Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
