I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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