i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
