Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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