Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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