i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
