so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
