if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
