Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
