if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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