I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
