i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
