your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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