im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
