Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
